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ما أكثر ما يحتاجه الأطفال من آبائهم في الوقت الحالي؟

ما أكثر ما يحتاجه الأطفال من آبائهم في الوقت الحالي؟

Suzanne Degges-White Ph.D

.Posted Apr 26, 2020

مساعدة الأطفال على التأقلم مع أزمة كوفيد 19 وما سببته في حياتنا اليومية ليس بذاك الأمر السهل الذي يتصوره الآباء. لقد أجريت مقابلة مع خبير في مساعدة الأطفال على التعامل مع الصدمات والأحزان. دكتور آدم كارتر مرخص لممارسة الإرشاد وبروفيسور في جامعة شمال إلينوي. قدم الكثير من المساعدة لتطوير الممارسات التي تعين الأطفال على التأقلم مع الفقدان.

ما هو أكبر قلق قد يعتري الأطفال؟ الأطفال في أي سن قد يعتريهم الخوف من فقدان من يحبون بسبب فيروس كورونا، خاصة أن ناقوس الوفاة هو أمر يمكن أن نجده في أية قناة تلفزيونية وهو يناقش بشكل منتظم عند الراشدين بحسن نية. يمكن للراشدين أن يساعدوا الأطفال عندما يعالجون هذه المخاوف بالتحدث لأطفالهم حول كيفية إبقاء أنفسهم في مأمن ( النظافة، التباعد الاجتماعي )، وكيف أنهم كراشدين يعملون بجهد لإبقائهم آمنين كذلك في نفس الوقت.

من الممكن للأطفال كذلك أن يتحسروا على ضياع حياتهم العادية. حياة الأطفال محدودة بشكل كبير مع إمكانية التنبؤ بها خاصة للأطفال الأكبر. عندما يفقد ذلك التنبؤ فإن الأطفال قد يشعرون بفقدان الروتين والأمان الذي يصاحبه. الأطفال قد يتحسرون على فقدان تواصلهم الجسدي مع أصدقائهم. على الرغم أن أصدقاءهم لا زالوا أحياء إلا أن عدم تواصلهم معهم جسدياً قد يسبب حزناً كبيراً لبعض الأطفال، وكذلك فإن الأطفال قد يعتريهم الحزن على فقدانهم للمدرسة وفعالياتها كالرحلات والتكريم نهاية العام والألعاب وغيرها. افسح مجالاً للأطفال كي يشعروا بالحزن على ما يفقدون طالما أنها حقيقة ولن يؤذيهم ذلك بشيء. غالباً ما تظل هذه المشاعر عند بعض الأطفال وحتى المراهقين لفترات طويلة، -البعض منهم لسنوات-، وأن يتخلصوا منها بشكلٍ سريعٍ سيتسبب لهم حزناً أكبر.

كيف يمكن للمربين أن يساعدوا الأطفال على التعامل مع مخاوفهم هذه؟ بداية وقبل كل شيء أوجد لنفسك مكاناً آمناً كي تزيح عن كاهلك أي شعورٍ غير محتملٍ قد تختبره أنت كمربٍّ. هذه ظروف استثنائية وجدنا أنفسنا بها، ومن المهم لنا كبالغين أن ندرك كيف هو شعورنا في لحظاتٍ كهذه. تكلم مع أطفالك حول ما تشعر به خلال هذه الأوقات العصيبة. ناقشهم بلغة مناسبة لمستوى عمر الأطفال ما هي مشاعرك التي تمر بها وماذا تفعل للاعتناء بنفسك كي تدير تلك المشاعر في نفسك. لا حرج أن تقول أنك لا تعرف الإجابة حالياً عن ذلك، ومن الأفضل أن تقول أنك لا تعرف عوضاً عن محاولتك الإجابة عن شيءٍ، قد تكون أنت مخطئاً فيه.

ماذا يفعل أو يقول المربون للأطفال الذين لا يشعرون بمشاعرهم أو بمشاعر الخوف؟الأطفال يختبرون مجموعة واسعة من المشاعر في هذه الأوقات، وتلك المشاعر تظهر بطرق كثيرةٍ. الأطفال قد يمرون بمشاعر الخوف والوحدة والفقدان والغضب ( كأمثلة قليلة ) وهذه المشاعر قد تظهر عبر سلوكيات سلبية، خاصة أننا نتشارك معهم المكان في مساحات قريبة. تحقق مما يشعر به أبناؤك بشكلٍ منتظم، ولكن لا تجبرهم على خوض نقاشٍ طويلٍ إذا لم يكن طفلك مستعداً لذلك. يعبر الأطفال عن مشاعرهم بطريقة تختلف عن الراشدين، ولذا فأفضل طريقة يمكننا فعلها هو أن نحترم ذلك ونوفر لهم المساندة ليتجاوزوا تلك المشاعر. اخلق مساحة لمشاعر طفلك. الأطفال قد يلجأون للتعبير عن مشاعرهم على شكل طفرات، وذلك أمر طبيعي جداً. قد يفضل الطفل عدم الحديث معك بينما أنت تتحدث معه عن ما يحدث بالعالم، ويختار أن يذهب للعب. هكذا كيف يحاول الأطفال أن يضفوا الواقعية في عالمهم.

ما هي الرسالة التي يود الأطفال أن يسمعوها من مربيهم؟طالما أن الأخبار ووسائل التواصل الاجتماعي تغطي أخبار الجائحة على مدار اليوم فإننا نسمع الكثير عن مدى استعدادنا للفيروس. الأطفال يحتاجون للتأكيد من قبل مربيهم أنهم قادرون على الاعتناء بهم وإبقائهم آمنين. ساعد الأطفال على التركيز على الأمور التي يمكنهم التحكم بها، واعرض عليهم خيارات مناسبة لأعمارهم كي تعينهم على الشعور بالقدرة على التحكم بالأمور. كمثال: “هل تود غسل يديك في حوض دورة المياه أم حوض المطبخ؟”ما هي الرسالة التي تود أن تشارك بها المربين دكتور آدم؟؟ ثق بحدسك وتقبل أسلوب العائلة واستراتيجياتهم للتأقلم مع الجائحة. قد تحتاج عائلة ما إلى نشاطات يومية تملأ ساعات يومهم كله، بينما قد تلجأ عائلة أخرى لأنشطة حسب الظروف والفرصة لمشاركتها أبنائها. لا تقارن بين أسلوبك التربوي اليومي وقواعد عائلتك وبين عائلة أخرى تريد أن تظهر نشاطاتها للملأ.

ما هي الأمور الأخرى التي يحتاج لمعرفتها المربون؟ تحمل نفسك ووجود الأبناء خلال هذه الأوقات العصيبة. قد تكون هنالك لحظات يرتفع فيها الصوت ويعلو فيها مستوى التوتر غير المحتمل، لكن هذا لا يجعلك مربيا سيئاً كما لا يجعل أبنائك سيئين كذلك. ضع في الحسبان أنك ستعيد التواصل مع أبنائك عندما تحصل هذه الأمور، وأنك تعتذر عندما يتطلب الأمر ذلك. تذكر أن الأمر يتطلب الكثير من القدرة للطفل كي يتأقلموا مع بيئة المنزل المتغيرة، خاصة خلال وقت الأزمات، الأمر الذي قد يغدو الطفل قادراً على التعامل معه بسرعة قبل أن يصبح بحاجة لمزيد من الوقت مقارنة بالمعتاد. هذا أمر مهم للغاية لنعي أن الأطفال وهم يؤدون واجباتهم المدرسية الكثيرة بالمنزل فإنهم يحتاجون ربما لمزيد من الوقت والمساندة كي يؤدوا نفس ذلك المستوى والكمية من العمل الذي كانوا يؤدونه قبل إغلاق المدارس.

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