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هل تربي أبناءك كنرجسيين ضعفاء؟

5 أخطاء تربوية تعرض أبناءك للإصابة بالنرجسية الضعيفة  

Posted Jun 06, 2020

Claire Jack Ph .D.  

“النرجسية حالة نفسية، يبالغ المصابُ بها في النظر لذاته إلى درجة الغرور والغطرسة والتكبر، وأنه يستحق معاملةً خاصة، وللنرجسية ثلاثة أنواع: نرجسية العظمة، والنرجسية الهشة أو الضعيفة، واضطراب الشخصية النرجسية.” المترجم.

يواجه المعرَّضون للإصابة بالنرجسية الضعيفة وقتاً عصيباً في الحياة؛ إذْ أنهم يميلون لرؤية العالم على أنه تنافسي ومكان خطير، حيث تكون قدراتهم ومهاراتهم غير ملاحظة، وعادةً ما يتبنى النرجسي عقلية الضحية العاجز والفاقد للحافز.

إذا تمت تربية الأشخاص بطريقة تجعلهم أكثر عرضة للإصابة بالنرجسية فسوف تترسخ في شخصياتهم الكامنة الشعور بالعظمة أو النرجسية الضعيفة، وأصحاب النرجسية الضعيفة يميلون لأن يكونوا انهزاميين وحساسين وانطوائيين، وهذه سمات متعلقة بأصحاب هذا النوع من النرجسية.

إذا كنت نفسك تعاني من سمات النرجسية، سواء الشعور بالعظمة أو النرجسية الضعيفة فإن هنالك احتمالًا أنك ستعلم ابنك نظرة النرجسي للعالم تلك أيضًا، سواءً قصدت ذلك ام لا.

تتمثل السلوكيات التي قد ترتكبها، والتي تزيد من احتمالية تنشئة أطفال ضعيفي النرجسية:

إعطاؤُهُمُ الشعورَ بالاستحقاقِ:

هل تربي أبناءك بطريقة يعتقدون أنهم يستحقون أن يكونوا مفضَّلين، ويعامَلون بطريقة خاصة فقط لذاتهم؟؟ إن غرس الشعور بالاستحقاق لا يعني بالضرورة أنك تطلب من ابنك الجلوس لتخبره أنه يستحق معاملةً خاصة. يتعلم الأطفال ذلك من تصرفاتك ومن طريقة تعاملك مع الآخرين، فعندما تطلب من الآخرين التعامل معك بطريقة خاصة بناءً على نظرةٍ مهمةٍ لك أو وضعك المالي فإنك تعلم أبناءك أن بعض الأشخاص بمن فيهم هم يستحقون معاملة خاصة. إن رفعك معنويات ابنك لتجعله يشعر بالثقة وبقدراته ونفسه، وجعله يمارس نشاطاته واهتماماته ليشعر أنه جيد لهو أمر صحي، وإعطاءهم شيئاً بسيطاً من الاستحقاق يجعلهم يفكرون بطريقة إبداعية، ولكن تنمية الثقة في نفس الطفل يختلف تماماً عن تعليمهم أنهم استثنائيون بالموازنة مع الآخرين، بناءً على العِرْق أو الثروة أو الطبقة الاجتماعية أو الذكاء. إن نمو الطفل بهذه الطريقة قد يؤدي لفقدان الحافز، وإلا لماذا يكون مزعجاً أن يقوم بالعمل الجاد إذا كان الطفل جيداً لفعل ذلك؟؟! إن الثناء على الآخرين قد يكون مزعجاً جدًا لبعض الأشخاص المحيطين بهم، الذين يتصفون بالتنافسية الشديدة والأنانية والاندفاع المفرط. إذا ما كنت تربي أبناءك بتربية الشعور المزمن بالأحقية فسيكونون أكثر إصابةً بالإحباط والإزعاج عندما يخفق العالم في تحقيق توقعاتهم.

رَفْضُ السلطة

يعتقد النرجسيون أنهم يعرفون أفضل من أي شخص آخر، على الرغم أنه لا دليل على ذلك. في الحياة دائماً ما نجد أن هنالك أشخاصاً يمتلكون مستوىً أعلى منا في السلطة، بداءةً من والدينا، إلى أساتذتنا وأصحاب الأعمال وانتهاءً بالحكومات. موازنة بالسلطة التي تظهر بشكل جيد فإنه لأمر صحي أن نحقق في أصحاب السلطة الذين يؤدون دوراً سيئًا. إذا ما أردنا أن نوظف وننتج فردًا صحيًا في المجتمع فإننا نحتاج إلى احترام مكانة الآخرين، إضافة إلى ذلك فإننا نحتاج أن ندرك أن بعض أصحاب السلطة هم هناك لأنهم مستحقون لها؛ بسبب الخبرة والمعرفة. إذا ما أرسلت رسالة لأبنائك أن كل المعلمين أغبياء، وأنك وأبناءك فوق سلطة المدرسة التي يحضرونها فإنك بذلك ترسل رسالة قوية أنه لا مشكلة من رفض السلطة، بناءً على اعتقادك أنك تفهم أكثر مما يعرفه الآخرون. تعليمك أبناءك رفض السلطة بهذه الطريقة سيجعل الحياة صعبة بالنسبة لهم في المستقبل، وستكون علاقاتهم غير سعيدة. الأطفال الذين يظهرون أنفسهم على أنهم يعرفون أفضل مما يعرفه الكبار المحيطون بهم لا يكونون – أي الأطفال – محل اعتبار لأولئك الكبار. عندما تربي أبناءك على عدم احترام السلطة فإنك تعلمهم عدم احترامهم لك أيضًا. إن عناد الطفل وتطلُّبَه وهو صغير لن يكون أمرًا جيداً له عندما يكبر، ويصبح لعوباً وكذاباً وفتىً متناقضاً.

التصرفُ كضحية

هنالك طريقة واحدة كي تعلم أبناءك أن العالم يقف ضدهم، -بغض النظر عن مدى تميزهم، وكيف أن روعتهم لا تلاحَظ في المجتمع غير العادل-، وهو أن يتصرفوا كضحايا. إذا كنت تتجنب أخذ مسؤوليتك الشخصية تجاه تلك الأشياء الخاطئة التي تحصل في حياتك، وتقوم عوضا عن ذلك بإلقاء اللوم على الأشخاص المحيطين بك والمجتمع بشكل عام فإنك ترسل رسالة واضحة لأبنائك أنهم فاقدو المسؤولية تجاه حياتهم الشخصية.

جَعْلُ أبنائِكَ يشعرون أنهم لا يستحقون حُبَّكَ

نريد كلنا أن يستغل أبناؤنا إمكاناتهم، لكن هل تجد نفسك تعطي أبناءك الحب والانتباه عندما يحققون شيئاً ما تُعِدُّهُ أنت قيِّماً؟ بداءةً من اختيارهم ليكونوا ضمن الفريق الرياضي وحتى حصولهم على معدل “أ” في المواد؟ هل تحتاج لأن تعمل على حبك لهم أم أنك تحبهم لذواتهم بغض النظر عن أخطائهم ومساوئهم؟؟ عندما تربي أبنائك بهذه الطريقة فإنك ترسل لهم رسالة أنه يتوجب عليهم الحصول على قيمتهم تلك خارجياً من حبك لهم في المقام الأول كي يشعروا بقيمتهم واهميتهم.

يُدارُ النرجسيون الضعفاء من نقطة الضعف الانفعالية. إنهم لا يمتلكون احترام الذات كي يؤكدوا لأنفسهم أنهم جيدون بما فيه الكفاية، وسيسعون لتأكيد قيمتهم من الآخرين، وقد يدفعون أنفسهم مرارًا وتكرارًا لنيل ذلك التقدير الذي لن يكون كافياً لهم. إذا كان ابنك يشعر بالحاجة لنيل إعجابك طوال الوقت بإنجازاته فإن عليك أن تعيد النظر، واسعَ لأن تعطيه التأكيد أنك تحبه دون الحاجة لأن يحقق ابنك شئيًا ليكسبه.

انتقادُ طبيعةِ شخصيةِ ابنِكَ

الغضب والحنق والعدائية التي تظهر على النرجسيين الضعفاء هي عوارض لعوامل متعددة، تتضمن الشعور بالعار والارتياب. هل هنالك أمور متعلقة بابنك تشعر أنها غير مقبولة بالنسبة لك، مثل الميل للانطوائية والصمت؟؟ قد يكون ابنك مختلفاً عنك، وتشعر أنه من الصعب عليك القبول بذلك، أو ربما يكون طفلك مشابهاً لك ولكنك تدفعه لأن يكون مختلفاً بدافع الشعور بعدم حب الذات عندك. إذا ما كنت تربي أبناءك بطريقة يشعرون من خلالها بالخجل من طبيعة شخصيتهم مع جعلهم محتاجين للشعور بقيمتهم من المصدر الخارجي فإنك بذلك تصنع الوضع المثالي لأن يشعروا بالشك وإصدار الأحكام تجاه دوافع الآخرين، ومع شعورهم أنهم استثنائيون مقارنة بالآخرين فإن النرجسيين الضعفاء قد يؤدي بهم الأمر إلى الوحدة والحياة المحتقنة.

إذا ما لاحظت واحدة من تلك العلامات السابقة فإنه من المهم أن تكون مدركًا لآثار الأضرار الدائمة، التي ستحصل على احترامهم لذواتهم وصداقاتهم وسعادتهم بالعموم. الوعي هو الخطوة الأولى في تغيير تفاعلك مع أبنائك والقيم التي تربيهم عليها.

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